Saturday, February 28, 2009

Ideas that make as much sense as the Versus Network

I was thinking about the Versus Network's unique blend of programming. Who would think to mix bass fishing, bull riding, cage fighting and bicycle racing into one hot mess of a network? I don't know, but I wanted to honor their creative genius by thinking of some combinations of things that make just as much sense.

Toddlers and broken glass.
Fixed gear bikes with pie plates.
ESPN and poker tournaments.
Ice cream and tabasco sauce.
Swimming, biking and running in one contest.

As I understand it, and I may not, cable channels put together a line-up of programming to attract viewers and then the cable channel sells advertising time. They look for ad agencies and marketers targeting their particular viewer. So just what product do you sell to the psychopathic viewer who was just waiting for a channel featuring cage fighting, bass fishing, hockey and a side of Liege-Bastogne-Liege? Do you remember the Sesame Street song, "one of these things doesn't belong with the others"?

And just what does the "average" viewer of Versus look like? Remember that at the bar down the street the average net worth of the patrons looks dramatically different when Bill Gates pulls up a stool (If you don't understand this concept, stop reading this blog and take a basic math class). So, as a bike snob, don't you suspect that the "average" Versus viewer looks dramatically different when you add in the income and education of the cycling viewers as opposed to the extreme cage fighting idiots, I mean, viewers? (Sure, I'm worried that one of them is going to read this blog and threaten to beat me up. That's precisely my point about the kind of neanderthal who likes cage fighting.)

In light of this, it makes sense to me suddenly why someone at the network would decide that what two guys like Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen really need to help them commentate on a bike race is someone who has never raced a bike, is not a cycling fan and is enough of an idiot that he will attempt to take up 80% of the air time. It all comes clear. Mix up some bull riding, bass fishing, cage fighting and throw this into the mix:

From Misc Bike Pics
Photo from Swimming World Magazine


  1. You raise a good point. However, I feel the cycling community would mesh with the cage fighting community if there was a cage fight between Craig Hummer and Rasika Mathur, and announced by Phil and Paul. At the end they could use whatever remained for bait for bass fishing, or to incite the bulls at the rodeo.