Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dr. Spalm Discusses Craig Hummer

Dr. Spalm - Can you explain to me the decision by the Versus Network to have Craig Hummer join Phil and Paul for the broadcast duties while Bob Roll is limited to short pieces and post-race interviews?
Wanting to Watch, but Not Enjoying it.

Dear WtWbNEi -
No, I don't think that anyone can explain this decision. Some corporate level decisions seem to have no rational basis. As evidence of this, please see the national economy. There are some factors to consider, however.

First, Bob Roll. For those who have been paying attention to Bob Roll for years, we remember his early days as a columnist for VeloNews. His essays were unlike any other writing. Please note that I did not say unlike any other "bicycle" writing. His writings appeared to have been the result of putting a typewriter in front of him after mescaline ingestion. They had a surreal, other-worldy quality and most often required footnotes to explain the various nicknames and Rollesque short-hand. People who write in this fashion usually move on to careers in performance art or coffee pouring. Bob Roll, however, became a cult hero among the cycling literati. This made him a logical addition to the long-time Brits who were the nonpareil of cycling commentating. Why not a little American flavor to spice up the droll Brits? One problem, it was Bob Roll. The man is slightly crazed and he probably got under the skin of Phil and Paul.

Second, Versus TV Executives. Early on during their decision to combine pro bass fishing, bull riding and bicycle racing, someone undoubtedly said, we need a blonde bimbo who looks good in swim suit to sit at the desk with Phil and Paul. Someone who can make the sport understandable for newcomers. They came up with Kirsten Gum. That didn't work so they went the opposite direction - how about a grizzled TV/Sports veteran to sit with the Brits? They came up with Al Trautwig. That didn't work so they went back to their first formula - blonde bimbo who looks good in a swimsuit. Here is what they came up with this time:

From Misc Bike Pics
Photo from Swimming World Magazine

Clearly the Versus Network is home to group of bull-riding, bass-fishing, bicycle-hating executives. Executives in the derogatory sense of the word.

Thus, in conclusion, Dr. Spalm, as a man of science, cannot explain the illogical and irrational decision to allow Craig Hummer to sully the live broadcast with his excessive and inane prattling, but thank you for asking.
Dr. Spalm

1 comment:

  1. I'm enjoying Hummer's broadcast. He is also a very sincere individual.