Thursday, March 12, 2009

Dr. Spalm Reconsiders

Dr. Spalm - Please take a look at these pictures I snapped outside of Two Wheel Transit. They clearly show that the proper way to carry skis on a bike is to utilize the pannier system. Your backpack advice was stupid.
Dangerous Advice is Very Erresponsible

From Misc Bike Pics

From Misc Bike Pics

Dear D.A.V.E -
I am not sure where you learned to spell, but being a reasonable man, I am willing to reconsider my prior advice. I do see that these skis appear to be reasonably secure and not obstructing the movement of this rider, but before I concede the point thereby giving credence to the idea that I am fallible, I would like to make at least two points. If I think of others, as I am paid by the word, I will also be forced to add these. In other words, if you need to secure supplies, refreshments or a rest period before proceeding, please do so.

First, I am not sure that I can consider this picture evidence of an improvement to my advice because of the rider. It would appear that this individual is potentially suffering from an inbalance of the the mind, but thankfully not of the body, as he is riding his bike on an obviously iced road. Second, the look on the face of said rider in your first picture indicates that either he is surprised that you were taking his picture or that he has brain fever. Medically speaking, I find either equally plausible. As such, there are indications that this rider is not a well man. I hesitate to further my medical diagnosis on such scant photographic evidence, but if it is good enough for Dr./Senator Bill Frist, I guess it's good enough for me.

Second, I am not sure that I can consider this picture evidence of an improvement to my advice because of the picture taker. You, sir, were standing in the aforesaid iced road and taking pictures of a cyclist going down the road. Without being able to see your visage, I can only assume you have a flushed appearance and potentially are running a temperature. Again, my diagnosis runs towards brain fever, although I can't fully rule out consumption.

Third, and I did warn you that I would be coming up with additional reasoning as I went, the issue posed to me was whether the reader in question should put his skis in a trailer or on his backpack. It was potentially inadvisable of me to follow his invalid proposition that he did not "like" using his panniers, but I was new to this advice column and confused by the question. In fact, now that I consider the confusion further, I seem to recall that I had an elevated temperature at the time and may have been suffering from brain fever. Much like a Dickensian novel, it does run rampant at times throughout select populations, although as I consider this from my outpost in Lucerne, I'm not sure of the connections between these particular cases.

In summation, I absolutely stand by my original advice that it is much preferable to attach your skis to a backpack instead of pulling a trailer, but I do allow that if the question is expanded to include all reasonably available means of transporting skis, the pannier option is superior. That being said, I find it unacceptable that you would suggest my advice is "stupid" and therefore I will not be sending you the normal cash honorarium that is usually offered to those posting questions answered herein. I would remind you, as your mother apparently failed to, that politeness is to be valued in a civilized society.

Now, as to the question that will undoubtedly follow this column, I will say this; No, there really is not a good reason to be carrying skis on your bicycle. If one has this urge, I suggest you put away your bike and contact appropriate medical authorities. If you tell them that Dr. Spalm believes you have brain fever, they should be there to take care of you promptly.
With all due sincerity,
Dr. Spalm

1 comment:

  1. Dr.S,
    As the cyclist in the photo I must say that this was clearly Photoshopped. I am usually in much clearer focus. I have to be to ride the mean streets of Spokanistan. Especially with skis. Though you did acknowledge that I had a brain fever, obviously, because I was riding on a sheet of ice. I would have prefered not to be there but there was some KOOK standing in the road with a camera...WTF I thought...Good thing I had my Continental "Nordi Spike 240" tyres on or else there would have been two of us on the deck.
    I guess what I am trying to assertain is asecon opinion...
    The Overtly Monotonous Man And Skis